My Subconcious Hates Me

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Lately, I’ve been forgetting to take my medicines – Zoloft and THE PILL – before bed.  It shouldn’t be so easy to forget them.  They are right there in the medicine cabinet, next to my contacts, staring at me as I plunge myself into blindness in a nightly ritual.

It should be pretty simple.  Take out my contacts, put the case in the cabinet, and grab the prescriptions from the shelf.  But it’s not.  I keep forgetting.

There are some obvious downsides to this forgetfulness.  For one thing, I’m (close but) not quite ready to start on Bebe le Deuxieme.  Did you hear that, Subconscious?  I’m not quite ready yet.  Give me a few more months, and then we’ll talk.

Side note: I even called to schedule my annual girly parts check-up, and they couldn’t fit me in until late August.  Ain’t nothing happening in the uterus till after that appointment!

The other downside is the Zoloft.  Have any of you ever been on Zoloft and missed a dose?  Oh my god, it is awful.  The first time I felt the “jolting electric zaps” described as one of the more common withdrawal symptoms, I thought I was going to faint and die a slow, seizured death.

They started off a bit twitchy with one or two that the morning.  I attributed the bizarre tingly, woozy, breathless, jolty sensation to too much caffeine.  As they became more frequent as lunch approached, I decided it was low blood sugar because I was so hungry.

When they were a constant source of anxiety and paranoia after lunch, I figured I actually hadn’t had enough caffeine (which is silly, because any caffeine is more than enough for me!). It dawned on me that I hadn’t taken my medicines the night before halfway through the Coke I grabbed from the vending machine.

That day, three weeks ago, I was a bit skeptical that I could be experiencing withdrawal symptoms mere hours after missing one dose.  But then it happened again two weeks ago.  And again last week.  And yet again yesterday.  (Seriously, you’d think I could be a grown-up and just freaking remember!)

Yesterday was the worst it has been.  I could barely get up from my desk without a jolt making me feel like I was about to fall over.  With each jolt, I became more short of breath.  Like I needed to feel short of breath while fighting back my personal monster and trying not to go ape-shit on my dad’s family.  I looked up the symptoms of Zoloft withdrawal again and read that, yes, withdrawal can begin within a few hours of a missed dose.  Wow.

I have been wondering a lot lately about my use of Zoloft.  Do I really need it anymore?  When should I start to taper before trying for Bebe le Deuxieme?  Based on the nauseating twitchiness that for some reason I swear I can cure by eating chocolate, I think I’ll need a long taper.

I’d really like to start that taper now.  I’m not sure I like being on Zoloft.  Which brings me back to the side note above:  my doctor can’t fit me in until mid-February.  Ain’t nothing happening in the uterus till after that appointment!

Until then, let’s just hope I can remember to take my damn prescriptions!