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Why change? When I hear people talk about a change in their lives, it always strikes me how different people think about themselves.

The two extremes are easy to notice. On the one hand, I meet people close to being perfect, but relentlessly striving to further improve themselves. On the other hand, I come across people who think they are perfect, but … you know what I mean 😉 .

I think it’s not necessary to change, if you genuinely are happy with every aspect of yourself. Read that sentence again.

What I just said is critical, because most people are not happy with who they are or with the way they live their lives. If you are unhappy with a certain aspect of your life, then you have two options, accept it or change it.

Accept

Although it seems like the easiest option, accepting yourself is easier said than done, believe me. What’s more, one day you seemingly live in peace and harmony, whereas other days you’re so mad at yourself for being like this or that, and you cannot stand yourself. I think you know what I’m talking about.

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Lately, I’ve been forgetting to take my medicines – Zoloft and THE PILL – before bed.  It shouldn’t be so easy to forget them.  They are right there in the medicine cabinet, next to my contacts, staring at me as I plunge myself into blindness in a nightly ritual.

It should be pretty simple.  Take out my contacts, put the case in the cabinet, and grab the prescriptions from the shelf.  But it’s not.  I keep forgetting.

There are some obvious downsides to this forgetfulness.  For one thing, I’m (close but) not quite ready to start on Bebe le Deuxieme.  Did you hear that, Subconscious?  I’m not quite ready yet.  Give me a few more months, and then we’ll talk.

Side note: I even called to schedule my annual girly parts check-up, and they couldn’t fit me in until late August.  Ain’t nothing happening in the uterus till after that appointment!

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In 1996, California enacted a Class Size Reduction (CSR) program. This incentive program gave schools a special monetary allocation from the state budget to maintain K-3 class sizes to 20 or fewer students.

Classes also had to be conducted as separate groups acting as an independent class, meaning, you couldn’t have a whole class of 30 with 20 students separated out for some period of time during the school day.

A few years later, some classes for 9th graders were added to the CSR program. Now, more than two decades and multi-billions of dollars later, California is broke and according to the California Department of Education, nowadays few schools are able to participate in CSR due to serious local school district budgetary crises.

The average class sizes in California during the 2015-16 school year were as such and continue to climb given the state of the economy. While small class size is wildly popular among teachers and parents, perhaps rightfully so, I’ve always gone back and forth about how much I believe class size matters with regard to student learning.

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Recently, Helle Heckmann and Louise DeForest, two experienced educators in Waldorf were in our town for one week. They are traveling through America to check on the Waldorf initiatives.

Helle Heckmann directs a kindergarten in Copenhagen called Noken, also the title of a book she wrote. Talking about her experiences could make a whole post, but you can read here more about her impressions on educating children.

They had a workshop for teachers and I asked to participate.

The most important message I got from that meeting with those ladies, is the importance of the inner work while working-living with children. Our influence on our kids is much more about ourselves than about what we want them to do or learn. They learn what we give as ourselves.

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The Devil? (My personal belief.)  Or this guy?

Either way, when I made an official declaration last week to get my house in order, I expected some interference.  I had no idea.

Monday.  The number one goal was to have stress-free mornings with no yelling.  The laying out of things the night before went well.  Aside from a hidden shoe, that wasn’t a problem.  The problem was a faulty awaking apparatus, i.e. my cell phone.

Monday morning it didn’t go off.  Rather, it went off, but it was set to silent.  Luckily, DH gets up at 6:45 (5 minutes before scheduled departure) and woke me up.  I was waking children, making coffee (absolute necessity, no matter how late), fixing bowls of cereal, changing a diaper, and corralling everyone into the car–all while trying NOT to yell.  I succeeded, for the most part.  We left at 7:15.  The middle schoolers were late and I made it in to work with seconds to spare.

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The other day while I was focused on pulling the perfect shot of coffee for a pre-teen who didn’t even look old enough to be drinking a triple vente mocha with whip, I toyed with the idea of having a drinking age for coffee like they have for alcohol, like 18 maybe? Although to be fair I indulged in my share of caramel frappacinos in my teen years, ironically at this very Starbucks.

I remembered feeling so hip sitting in the cozy overstuffed chair in the corner with my BFF as we gossiped and laughed and then snuck outside to smoke Kool menthol cigarettes. So who am I to deny an almost young adult of such a benchmark life experience! Scratch that, no legal drinking age for coffee, but shhhh! don’t tell but I’m not giving this 12-year-old three shots, she won’t even know the difference, in fact I’m doing her a favor.

“That’ll be $3.89 please.”

“Um, okay,” she says as she swings her Coach clutch onto the counter and counts out four dollar bills with French tip manicured nails. More Link

Is more education the answer, I wonder, as I scroll through the job postings on Craigslist on my super fancy iPhone, a ‘congrats college graduate!’ gift from my parents. I’m reading ad after ad, each sounding like the hand of God reaching down to save me from the dismal abyss that has become my life, but alas, I’m always just a letter or two shy of being the perfect candidate. So I ask myself, should I dig my debt hole even deeper?

Do I really need another set of initials that supposedly decides my worth? BA, MA, JD, Ph.D.?. OMG, will those letters rearrange to spell fulfilling, high paying job with flexible hours and great benefits? Who knows!

All I know is the first degree didn’t spell anything worthwhile, it amounted to something that sounded like ‘nope, try again’ and it landed me right back where I started, in the pink-walled room that I grew up in. Man did life throw me for a loop!

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Looking to get your career going, but don’t know where to start? There’s a ton of information out there. Some of it’s good, and some of it… not so much.  Since I decided to change my career, I’ve hit just about every roadblock out there.

Now that I know they’re there, there’s no reason that you should have to run into the same problems. First of all, make sure that you are qualified. If not, go back to school and get credentials you need. But the idea of going back to school was terrifying at first. 

Many people have plenty of opportunities, free schools, yet they never got their HS or GED diploma. I know something about it, I was there myself. First, you try every resource that offers free prep. But these paid classes are expensive especially if you have no job so you end up looking for excuses. Fortunately, with internet on your phone, you can easily find free online courses to get all set for tests like the CLEP (College Level Examination Program) or the GED (General Education Development) Test.

But back to what were talking about, and it’s right. I hate social intervention. I break out into cold sweats just thinking about all of those people, and all of those possible interactions.
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As a parent, all I really want to know is that she’s learning something, and that she’s trying. The only negative comment was that her reading fluency is still a little slow. Frankly, I care more about comprehension than how many words she can read per minute.

So all in all, I guess I can call it a successful school year. We even took a look on color career test that is suitable for kids and I learn she has a yellow personality.

My daughter’s’ father has been absent from their lives for most of this past school year.

I recently talked to him, and was trying to catch him up on all that’s happened and their futures. Naturally, he asked about their report cards.
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I miss my childhood when…

…I smell crayons.  The waxy aroma sends me straight back to elementary school.  The back to school shopping for new clothes, shoes, and school supplies.  The excitement of putting notebooks, pencils, glue sticks, and pretty folders into my brand new backpack.  Knowing I’d see all my friends again.  Not knowing it wouldn’t last–that school could be a harsh and unfair place.

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…I see snow. Remembering the joy of snow days and having the biggest sledding hill in the neighborhood–until my mom leveled it off during a remodel.  Devastation.  My Aunt Gwen smearing chapstick all over my face to ward off windburn.  Avoiding her house at all costs whenever it snowed, I hated it so bad.  An act of love, misunderstood.

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